When the iPhone first came out, it seemed pretty extravagant and unnecessary. But I'll admit: after playing with one, I decided it's a pretty nifty little gadget. Unfortunately, sexist morons started developing iPhone applications that exist solely to objectify women and shit all over feminism. Clear off your desk so you have an empty space on which to slam your head, and enjoy the Top 5 Sexist iPhone Apps:


5. The Perfect Girl

"Tap or shake your iPhone and you will experience what it is like to have the PERFECT girl."

When the iPhone user gives the virtual lady a tap or a shake, she says such charming phrases as:

"I'll try anything once!"
"Do you think she's flirting with us?"
"You are so right!"

Who needs an intelligent woman when you have the perfect woman?



4. iControlHer




"Have you ever wished to have a remote control for people?"

By "for people," they mean for women, or else it would be called "iControlPeople." Just point the remote at your wife when the bitch won't shut up! :) :)






3. iGirl




"Blow her, shake her, touch her and more! Have your own virtual girlfriend on your iPhone for less than the price of a cup of coffee or a beer, and shake her around!"

Because who doesn't love shaking women around?!?







2. PMSTracker

Uh oh, Margaret has her period and the bitch is about to go NUTS! Thankfully, PMSTracker has your back.

"Tired of your wife/girlfriend/sister/mom/secretary biting your head off unexpectedly once a month? PMSTracker allows you to quickly track the approximate time each woman in your life has PMS. Just enter their name, and the last known date of PMS, and PMSTracker will calculate the likelihood of that woman having PMS each day. Green means they most likely don't have PMS, orange is a warning that they may have PMS, and red means they most likely have PMS. Overheard at a bar: 'Hey Joe, mind if I sleep over tonight? My iPhone says my wife's PMS'ing today.'"



1. Hot Chick-o-Meter

THANK GOD FOR THIS! Without it, how would I sort out the hags from the hotties? The supermodels from the but-her-faces? How else would I objectify women on the go?!

"Say you're out on the town in the clubs, and you see a really hot chick - you can take a picture of her, dial up her ranking on the Hot Chick-o-Meter to smokin', and send it to your friends to tell them where the action is in town! Hilarious Hot Chick-o-Meter readings: Bagger, Butchy, Great Personality, Doable, Respectable, Cute, Sexy, Smokin', Hot Mama, Could Melt Your Stuff, Stripper, Porn Star, Supermodel."