Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Not on my Christmas wishlist: "Battle of the Sexes" board game  

I just want to let you all know that this exists:

Actually, when I physically held the game in my hands last week and surprisingly resisted the urge to throw up all over it, it looked like this:
I know what you're thinking: "Ha ha! 'Battle of the Sexes' board game? Too funny. What kind of questions do they ask? Tool questions for the men and cooking questions for the women?"

Um. Yeah, pretty much. Well, actually, the women answer the manly questions and the men answer the ladyfolk questions to see which gender is better... or something. Men answering questions about pantyhose?! That's so wacky and unnatural, why it's almost HILARIOUS! Here are the instructions:

Players divide into two teams: men vs. women. The goal is to move your team's pawns across the game board. Along the way teams will have to answer questions about the opposite sex in order to move.

These are examples of "man" questions:
1. How many lugs are on the typical wheel?
2. Where is the Superdome located?

These are examples of "woman" questions:
1. How do you stop a run in stockings?
2. What type of nut is used to make marzipan?

I feel like the person who made this doesn't know anything about women and men, aside from the knowledge they gained from watching endless marathons of 1950s sitcoms. I'm amazed at this board game's ability to take something as complex as human beings and reduce them to two-dimensional caricatures. Here's one more snippet from the game's instructions:

To spice things up, the battle gets a little tougher with wild cards. These cards could either propel you to an easy victory-- for buying diamonds for her birthday-- or send you catapulting backwards-- for borrowing his razor to shave your legs!

Just... stop it. Given the choice between the two, I would happily opt for the *NSYNC board game.

That's how much I DON'T want to EVER find out what is inside the box of the "Battle of the Sexes" board game. I feel like if I were ever open it, it would immediately start yelling at me to make it a sandwich.

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