Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Respect or disrespect?  

By: Anonymous - from the series of guest posts written by Dr. Baldwin's students at Michigan State University.

When it comes to life and especially dating, it is natural for women to expect or even demand men to act in a gentlemanly manner. For instance, the man usually must initiate conversation and at some point ask the woman out, once he has accomplished that he is expected to pick her up, open doors for her, pull out chairs, push in chairs, and pay for her meal and any other activities such as mini golf or a movie, all while keeping her fixated and content within an exciting conversation. Does the man do this because he wants to? Or is it because he feels compelled to because that is what the woman expects and even what society expects? I personally feel that with all the talk about women's march towards equality, I find it odd that they some women who demand such independence expect such treatment. Treatment that could be mistaken as disrespect; disrespectful in the way that it suggests women are not capable of doing any of these things on their own. Not capable of taking a man out for an equally exciting night out, or simply able to open the door for themselves. Yes, we have come to know this as common courtesy but at some point does it not suggest that the man still holds all the power? Traditionally the man plans out the night, while the woman has no say in the evenings' activities. This shows a lack of equality in a relationship that should be shared equally by both the man and the woman. It comes to one final question. When a man asks out a woman and she is not involved in any of the nights' planning, from the location of the pick up, to the destination, to the opening of her car door, and the payment of the meal and activities. Is it respectful? Or disrespectful?

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4 comments: to “ Respect or disrespect?

  • February 10, 2010 at 5:15 AM  

    I was taught that opening doors for the persona you're with is a question of good manners, it doesn't matter if it's a man, a woman, a child, or whatever.

  • February 10, 2010 at 2:09 PM  

    I was having this conversation with a friend the other day. He made a good point saying "If you are the one asking for the date, you should be the one to pay." I said that would make me feel bad. I prefer to pay for myself. He responded "then get me next time!" I thought that was a reasonable compromise.

  • February 22, 2010 at 11:16 PM  

    I think you make a really good point..i never thought about dating and stuff that way..but now that i have i kind of think that both a guy and a girl can open a door for someone else or start the conversation. whoever, much like how society expects things of women, society also expects things of men- and opening doors and starting the conversation is a social "norm" and what society expects of a man.

  • April 13, 2010 at 10:30 AM  

    I agree with this. Personally, I like doing nice things for my boyfriend like taking him presents just because or going out to dinner and me paying. I just think relationships should be fair and equal, the man shouldn't always have to pay for things and hold doors and the women shouldn't always have to cook and clean.

    I'm trying to get my boyfriend to understand that this is how it should be, but his mom was a housewife for his entire childhood so he still somewhat has the mentality that the woman should cook, clean and take care of everything that needs to be done around the house. Hopefully people will start having the idea that we should do everything equally, it will make things a whole lot easier!